34 (The Annual Birthday Rant)

This awesome caricature was given to me by my friend and fellow author/illustrator ANDY RASH

This is me at 34....

Look at me....When I look in the mirror I see a has been. I know It's all relative but when I look in the mirror I see someone who had so much potential and should at this point have at least three or four stores under his belt by now. Instead I've settled into illustrating other people's manuscripts mainly to avoid the fear of hearing criticism of my own stories. Now here I am, year five of my much blogged about graphic novel. (I should have had it completed three years ago) I will admit I have sat here watching all my other peers publish their own works prepared to face the same potential praise or criticism with no hesitation and it makes me feel guilty. 

I also see someone who stopped caring about his health and settled with just sitting in front of a desk all day. I ate poorly, I drink three cups of coffee just to get through the day and survived the last three years on four to five hours of sleep a night. Sure, last year I told myself that I would be more optimistic about life, but what did I have to show for it? When I look in the mirror I see a tired and pessimistic person who is only 34 years old.

So what now?

I have a few friends who compete in triathalons and run marathons and so forth. I used to run. In fact, after I finished college at UCSD I ran off 20 pounds in four months. Unfortunately, once I got back into art school I gained it all back and I haven't hopped back on the wagon since.

I asked one of my friends "How do you find time to train for a marathon? I mean that's 20 miles of running." and his response was simple. "It's basically a commitment to changing your lifestyle. You have to make time in your life to do any sort of exercise."

Then you read magazines.... At my age you should exercise more and eat better and so forth.... YADDA YADDA YADDA.

Running? A commitment to changing your lifestyle? That made sense. I don't like who I am. I know I can do better. Let's start back into running.

It's always hard to get back up on the wagon after falling off. (Especially after seven years) but here I am. A month later. Running 3 miles a day. Today on my birthday I even ran 5 miles.

My gift to myself is that I have shed five pounds in that month of running. It's not a large amount.  I can already hear my parents scoffing at such a 'minor' feat, but it's a start. That start motivates me to do even more. In fact, it seems as if all the other things in my life have fallen back into place because of running. 

I have more energy. I don't rely on coffee as much as I used to in order to stay up and work, which allows me to work on my graphic novel among all my other projects. I'm writing again. My editor likes my next picture book manuscript and I'm already outlining a new graphic novel to come after that.

My much blogged about graphic novel? I think it's turning out pretty well. Nay, I think it's gonna kick ass. No more being pessimistic. The editor wants it in March which is a really tough deadline, but I'll make it. I'm gonna finish it with sheer willpower because I'm sick of sitting on the sidelines.

I'm hopping back on the wagon.

35 better watch it's back.

Comments

[Adam Rakunas]

Exercise burns the fat, fires up the brain, brings in the ladies. It's win/win/win. Happy birthday!

[Boni Ashburn]

I love this post, Dan. Happy Birthday and GOOD LUCK- there are a lot of people rooting for you :)

[mike r baker]

Yowza! Well, glad you're getting over it and refocusing. Personally, I think you've done a lot of awesome things in your 34 years. You've a lot to be proud of. So you're kicking it up a notch. Awesome. Looking forward to that graphic novel! Happy birthday!

[emarts]

happy birthday man, you are incredible :)

[Douglas Simonson]

dude, i don't know you but i read your entry with interest and what a great thing that you're running again! doesn't matter what it is, but something that makes you start feeling good about yourself again...is often all it takes. i read a definition of depression i liked: "Depression is knowing what needs to be done and not doing it." good work man!

[jp]

as a guy about to turn 34 with the same thoughts running thru my head...this is encouraging! go for it :)